-Yes, of course I will… (= words coming out of my mouth)
-NO, I can’t sorry… (= what I really wish I could say)
-GRRHHRHRH… (= sounds coming from my internal frustration, or stomach!)
We all need boundaries, yet for most of us, saying NO is difficult…
Even VERY difficult.
Growing up (or later in life), we’ve learned that it is « better » to say yes, not express our own needs and desires if we want to belong.
We’re afraid that if we say no:
We’ll disappoint others
We risk appearing self-fish
We risk not being liked or loved anymore
We risk loosing our sense of belonging
And the belonging part is a BIG ONE!
In our primal brain (think the parts that controls your survival) if you don’t belong = you are risking your life (I’m not kidding!)
Think back –wayyyy back - when not being with the group was making you an easy pray for any predator.
I know we are in 2020!? WTF!
But our brain sadly still works this way to protect us, and as a result when your sense of belonging is threatened your primal brain reaction will highjack your more civilized and logical brain.
No wonder most of us struggle with saying no when we are wired for survival.
If this is you, if you have been folding your way to meet others expectations…
First off, you are so not alone!
The good news is that you can get smarter than your primal brain. You just have to go deeper and address what is underneath the fear of saying no for you.
And the beauty is waiting for you on the other side: the genuine YES !
The thing is if you don’t own your NO you can’t have a real YES, and that goes for anything in your life.
You can’t have a real YES about expressing your needs and desires.
You can’t have a real YES about being your authentic YOU.
And if you have poor boundaries in one area of your life it show up in other parts too, like in your relationship or sex life.
In todays podcast episode I am exploring boundaries setting and talking about why we all need them (children and parents alike) to reclaim our space, time and energy.
We’ll go in depth with:
What to do if you have poor boundaries and it bleeds out into your life
Why saying NO is the opposite of being selfish (and how to think this way)
The link in between boundaries in general and sexual boundaries
The 4 questions to ask yourself to get better at setting healthy boundaries
Plus one practice for you to go even deeper
Now go ahead listen to this episode (it’ll take you 10 min top!) and work on your NO muscle (love and firm) so you can have exquisite YESSS!!
Love,
Camille